Lo siento

I don't know what my posts are about ... I stay up later than I should and write four to five sentences without processing and then go to bed. 

There shouldn't be any need for worry.  It's just a shitty kind of outlet.  Listen to a bunch of music and write weird incoherent thoughts. 

Like tonight, I can't stop listening to Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt. 

I'll spare the mumbling anecdotes (not really anecdotes but whatever) tonight.  

He wasn't scared.  His empire of dust.

G'night. 

King of the land

Running through the halls he jumped ... not landing on his feet but falling through the deep surface that was the structure of his school.

He can't make it out alive anymore ... it's past the point of no return.  

This disturbing sense of comfort has settled over his body.  Knowingly and willingly walking forward into the pits of his dismantling.  

He presses on ... eagerly awaiting to see what is at his end.

That's when you need someone

Walking out the door, it came to him ... that all the reality that he formally believed in had been nothing but a lucid dream that was meant for seeing and not feeling.  With a smile upon his face, he closed the door and entered his true reality ... the life he had not know before.  It was bizarre.  It was strange, but it was great.  Bouncing from stepping stone to stepping stone, he could count the oxygen molecules he breathed in and out.  Bouncing from here to there and back again ... life seemed fresh.  Completely illogical, but if it was reality then it has to be logical.  Landing in front of the 73 floor building with absolutely no distinct characteristics ... he slammed open the doors and entered into a florescent multicolored seizure room of electronic dance music.  No one was dancing like he was used to in that lucid dream of his ... it was a group of people sprinting in circles gawking 'no vale la pena ... no vale la pena' 

It couldn't have been dancing.

Bouncing from that floor onwards he found great excitement.  It was 

Las culturas del terror

This music,

"No matter where you turn

You ain't got no place to stand"

I want to find solitude ... or the idea of solitude.  Just for a minute. 

the everybodyfields

i can't help but listen to this kind of music.  the heart breaking love songs about despair and pain.

i have memories tied with them too i guess.  but they are so good ... the kind of song that makes you hurt so good ... if that is even possible.  maybe thats just me and my bizarre interest in the depressing/sick side of life.  

but really it's good music.  

"I'm talking

You're looking through me

With a blank stare

And I can't help but ask,

If today would be my last

Would you care?

And I can be lonely here

And I can be lonely anywhere

Yes I can be lonely"

It doesn't get any better than that.  

Sulking in some sense of temporary happiness with an undertone of heart felt grief. 

I think that's okay.  Probably not, but I don't really care.

I've been looking for a positive creative outlet lately ... no idea what that could be ... blogs are fake and full of lies ... something painfully true and beautiful ... let me know.