Hey Me.

"What I was really hanging around for, I was trying to feel some kind of a goodbye.  I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them.  I hate that.  I don't care if it's a sad goodbye or a bad goodbye, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it.  If you don't, you feel even worse."

I chuckle at that last post right now.  Or really a chuckle of embarrassment.  Recuerdos.

It's like watching some amazing movie that has derived every single emotion out of you.  You have got yourself laughing, crying, screaming, rejoicing, running, hiding, dancing, and singing ... and then the film breaks in the last 20 minutes before you know how it ends.  

What do you do? Feel unsatisfied.  You want to know how it was going to end.  You paid the $7.50 for the ticket, you gorged yourself on too much popcorn, candy, and sugary soda.  You watched the previews and even came early to get the perfect seats. 

You have the option of going to see it again, but you know it wont feel/be the same just to know how it will end.  Or you just can leave never knowing how it could have been. 

Maybe it was suppose to end there? How come I can't come around to see it that way?

Being back feels like nothing has changed.  Like I just put myself on pause until I came back.

I'm just bitter about the unfinished feeling I still have in my gut, I'll be fine. 

Hasta el año próximo

Queridos Desconocidos,

Esta noche, será el último blog de mi vida en Chile.  En serio, no hay más.  

(I wont be translating this post, only that this is my last post)

Pero antes de terminar, tengo que escribir algunas cosas para mí ... y quizás ustedes.

Estuve intentando quedarme otra semestre en Chile.  Quise quedarme con toda mi corazón.  La idea de regresando a los Estados Unidos y PC hazme mareado.  Yo no sé por qué ... pero no quise regresar para nada.  

Entonces, escribí a PC para preguntar sobre otra semestre en Chile.  Amanda me dijo que sí, pero yo necesité hablar con Jeff de Ayuda Financiera.  Peeerrrrooooo, PC es una puta!  Y PC no va a apoyarme.  Si yo me quedaría en Chile, yo perderé mis becas.  Chucha!  Entonces, yo pregunté sobre el costo de mi programa contra PC ... y mi programa costa casi diez mil menos de UN SEMESTRE a PC.  Pero ... yo me quedaría en Chile ... tendré que pagar lo mismo de un semestre a PC ... SIN mis becas.  Odio PC.  En serio.  

Un año en Chile ~ $16,000.00

Un semestre a PC ~ $18,000.00

Ya ... Las razónes para quedarme.  Primero, no voy a aprender toda la lengua de Español.  Segundo, la playa ... el mar ... la vista.  Tercero, la libertad.  Cuarto, la cultura ... hay mucho mas para observar.  El último y el más, para tí.  Por la primera vez en mi vida, estoy/estuve completo.  Pero ahora ... siento vacío.   Por qué?  Porque solamente tengo dos meses más!  Y que voy a hacer después?

Me dijiste muchas cosas que yo quiero creer ... yo quiero creer muchísimo.  Pero siempre, tengo duda y yo no puedo explicarla.  

Crees en el destino? Tienes que creerlo. Tienes que ... Yo lo creo. Creo con mi corazón.

3,000 millas ... 6,602,224,175 personas en el mundo.  Y yo te encontré.  O me encontraste.  No importa.  Que sucederá?

La otra noche ... lloré.  Lloré toda la noche.  Grité a Dios.  Recé a Dios.  Lloré a Dios.  Desde no siento lo mismo ... me duele la alma.  Si posible, pasaría todo mi tiempo contigo.  Espero que sientas lo mismo.  Si no, yo no sé que haría.  Y tengo duda en este también! CHUCHA.

Entonce, que voy a hacer? Voy a vivir mi vida.  Tengo dos meses más para vivir.  Voy a vivir sin mi blog.  Menos internet.  Más pasión.  Los gringos no me molestarán. 

Sueño sobre mi vida en Chile.  Si no salgo.  Pero ... solamente un sueño.  

Pero, no puedo regresar a PC en este momento.  Debo hacer algo extraordinario con mi vida.  COMO CHILE! Chucha.  Estoy muriendo.  En serio, estoy muriendo.  

Tengo mucho más que escribir ... que decir.  Mi primero blog sincero.  

"Ni las manos de Dios." 

Si estamos juntos por cuasa de Dios ... siempre estamos juntos. 

La música no puede ayudarme ahora.  Dios ... ayuda me.  Por favor.  Pregunta mis rezos. 

Mi ultimo blog y yo no quiero terminarlo.  Que raro.  

Tengo miedo.  Mucho miedo.  

Es imposible para decir adios.  Tengo lágrimas en este momento.  

Hasta que nos reunamos de nuevo, mis desconocidos.

- Seth

Recovering ...

... from my last acid trip.

I write with a heavy heart for once.  A conflicted, vulnerable, and selfish heart.  

Tomorrow will be the first day I believe that can be truly for me.  I plan on waking up and leaving.  Running to the beach ... not leaving for a few hours.  Meeting strangers.  Having Gypsies put hexes on me.  Eat veggies. And find out what this is all about.  

Organizing for real. 

People in the Front!

Let me hear you grunt!

My adoring public, your cries have been answered.  I'm updating yet again about absolutely nothing.  

Maybe about something ... it's possible ... this page has been open just about all day.  I'm sure that you'll see all the different ways my mind is racing. 

Holy crap what a sunset this is shaping up to be.  Seeing black spots now ... stop staring.

Give me some reasons for returning to the States.  

I can't decide if this experience is just a much needed break or the beginning of something new.

Hungry 

I feel like if you know me from PC, then you know my obsession with walks.  And it's now getting to the point where its even more beautiful than when I arrived ... i.e. Spring.   I'm loving it. Otra vez.  I'm loving it.

I hope it's real. For real real ... I hope it is.

- McDonalds.

Seriously people, what are you doing with your lives?

As you sit behind your computer this very instant, wasting electricity reading my stupendous blog there's a revolution going on down here in Chile.  What can you say for yourselves in America?  I see it everyday.  I witness to this catastrophe and yet I am helpless to it.  I am ashamed.  I am ashamed for you all as well.  

The New York Times just published an article about it last week.  Catch your attention? Doubtful.  

You Americas sicken me.  

Here's a copy to it ... New York Times: Chile

I can't sit here anymore.  I must join my people.  Join in on the rebellion!

- Pokemon

It'll be a cold/hot/dry day in the Atacama ...

There is nothing like a 24 hour bus ride on a double decker bus to find one of the most beautiful places on the earth.  I like to think that things have to be extremely miserable so that I can fully appreciate how wonderful things are.  Take for instance my bus ride from Viña del Mar to Calama/San Pedro de Atacama.  I wake up at 7:50 to catch my 8:30 bus across town.  I sprint out of my apartment shouting 'choas' to my family with my backpacks.  Public transportation generally is not in favor for those with things in tote. (Like myself) So no colectivos (shared taxis) would stop for me due to the fact that it would take too much time.  And it's really easy to get pick pocketed on buses so I avoided that as well.  Looked down at my clock and saw that it was 8:05.  I had 25 minutes to get to the bus station which is about a 40 minute walk from my apartment.  So I take off running ... in my sandals, two bookbags, and yogurt in hand.  I arrived on time, but with yogurt explosion on my hand and with an immense amount of sweat.  I on the bus ... with some friends.  Top floor cause its way cheaper and we're in the front row.  Which should be amazing, except for the fact that these huge bay windows turn into an easy bake oven when the shining sun is applied.  Air Conditioner wasn't working so well.  So my already sweaty body increased into a dry seat with a puddle of Seth sitting.  The guy behind me snored so incredibly loud during the day.  He got off at another stop at night fall.  I though the misery was over, but a crazy gypsy family got on directly afterwards.  I've been told before that using the word gypsy to describe people can be rather offensive but this is completely accurate.  Gypsies here are crazy.  They will come up to you begging for money so that they can read your future and if you give them money they try to take all of your possessions.  But if you don't do anything they put a hex/curse on you.  Lose lose situation.  After the curses ended, they were sleeping behind me ... snoring in all.  When I reach down to my bag to get my iPod, but instead of my iPod I grab a tiny fury animal.  A puppy.  It would have been cute and adorable if I hadn't found puddles of pee/poo all around my row of seats.  Damn gypsy dog.  

We made it ... Trip back was equally as bad.

San Pedro de Atacama is so beautiful.  Completely changed my perception of the word desert.  A town smaller than 2000 people, only known for tourism.  Electricity cuts off at 10 for the entire town ... obviously scarce water.  It hadn't rained in 5 years.  

Pictures link again ... CLICK HERE!

Today is Chile's Independence Day.  Surprisingly similar to the Fourth of July traditions.  Minus fireworks.  Lots of food, lots of fellowship with family and friends.  Throw in some sweet Chilean traditions and you got yourself Fiestas Patrias.   

I've had quite a bit on my mind as of late.  Nothing like rambling blog entries to avoid life's mysteries.

... before I enjoy life here in Chile,

Seth of Viña

I Believe In A Thing Called Love

September 11th approaches, and I have been warned by many Chilenos that during this day there will be many protests and demonstrations.  Pretty excited in a weird way.  

Not the September 11th we Gringos associate with but the Chileno version.

Murder, Assassination, Suicide, Mutiny, Necessary, Unavoidable, Needed ... Whatever.

It happened.

Leaving for the Desert on Friday.  Not very excited ... I think its the TWENTY-FOUR bus ride I have to endure before I get there. 

Fiestas Patrias next week! Happy 18th Chile!

Listening to the rhythm of your heart,

Set Point.

Take My Hand, Take My Whole Life Too

Tres cosas, tres problemas, tres esperanzas.

1.) Mamaw got put in the hospital on Friday.  I called her yesterday and couldn't help but break down.  She's a trooper.  Mucho amor.

2.) Tía is having her cancer surgery this Thursday.  I kind of hope Mamaw y Tía can be roomies.

3.) Too soon to be real?  Too early to know? Signs, clear signs, but with two very distinct/opposite interpretations.  A little more clear, por favor.  Reason says one, heart says another.  Nothing can be deciphered.  Not sure what to do with doubt.

Atacama Desert here I come.

Holy Madre de Dios

I've been here for four weeks.  When did that happen?  A month.  It kind of scares me how fast this experience is going to go by.  I know I shouldn't already be dreading leaving, seeing how I still have 3.5 months left.  But seriously, the first month went by so fast.  

Everyday is amazing.  Even when I get really pissed off.  I love it.  

Take this morning for instance.  No Friday classes which is a blessing from Dios.  I love sleeping in, and I hate waking up early, especially by the means of someone else.  First let me say that I absolutely love my Chilean Mom.  I really do, but I swear if she wakes me up again by screaming my name and banging on my door just to ask why I am sleeping, I will have to politely rip her voice box out.  Not kidding.  My family starts their day so early and my room is next to the kitchen/dining area so I get all the feedback.  So sleeping in is hard.  But it's fine ... I love it here.

Holly I wanted to call you so bad last night.  

Acabo de hablar con mis padres Chilenos sobre Argentina.  Vas a ir the time of your life.  

I'm going to turn it into a year so we can visit.  Maybe a lifetime. 

Hahaha, funny story.  I think so at least.  Well two actually.  At lunch we were having the normal conversation about la vida and everything that we could talk about, when my sister all of a sudden asked 'Que significa douche bag' 

Spitting out my soup and laughing hysterically, I had to explain what a douche bag was in my broken Spanish to my Chilean family.  So funny.

And last night, I got asked by some de mis amigos Chilenos why in pornos do guys say 'Oh My God' when they are terminando.  Hahahahaha.  'Dios mio' translates into something people say when something goes terribly wrong.  AKA 'Oh Shit'

Bahhh.  So funny.

Writing this on my balcony listening to mi mar, mi vida, y mi paz.  

Ineffably happy,

Set point.

With Hand in Hand

Battling this super rare Chilean infirmity that has knocked me down from my day to day life has only put things more into perspective.  

Happiness is here.

I slept through my morning classes today.  Totally worth it.  

I honestly don't know what to put in my blog updates ... I don't really like to write about what I did today, or this week.  Just a few highlights I suppose.  

Skiing in the Andes, Chocolate Factory, Sunset Beaches daily, y felicidad. 

PC keeps pestering with their Study Abroad forms, apparently I didn't do everything to a T before I left.  But I think that it's their problem that they didn't tell me they were missing forms until after I left the country.  I am here now.  Don't really care. 

 Erm, I am not coming home.  I'm pretty sure.  Working on the details ... I'll keep you posted.

X-TREME!

Now who wants post cards!?

In the arms of the angels?

Dear Sarah McLaughlin,

You sing a sad song to us Americans.  I think there is one for British Columbia, where is Chile's sad song? I see no angels here, guiding, protecting, caring, feeding, loving these poor dogs.  I'm serious, walking from my house to where I go to class, on average I will see 15-20 dogs.  Lyings, shivering, starving.  They will look up at you and stare and kind of whimper.  This is coming from the guy who wanted to do the entire Theatre for Social Change project on animal cruelty.  

I started sneaking food to the stray dogs on the street, which I have been told never to do.  But I can't help it.  The first time I did it, it wasn't very secretive.  And I fed one dog and all of his friends came running and they got in a fight and then they all followed me home.  All in all I had a pact of about 6 dogs chasing after me.  Now you kind of have to let them find the food on their own and hide it in different places.

But seriously ... I get depressed everyday seeing them.

Sarah McLaughlin please help Chile.  And every other country with a dog problem.

Amorrr,

Seth

We Are Many

I arrived.  Arrived to a place distant from where I am.  It's good.  A refreshing dose of difference. 

For the first time I believe, I am a true stranger.  A true gringo in their eyes.  No one knew me.  No knows me either.  Walking the streets with a smile for no reason.  It's frigid and windy but I like it.  Absent of my own culture, yet so heavily influenced by it as well.  Una mezcla (mixture).  I'm truly ignorant.  Truly lost.  Learning, searching, walking aimlessly and it's wonderful.  

Taking public transportation to class is worthy of a blog post each time.  It's kind of expensive and adds up fast.  Visited the beaches, the dunes, the mountains (not the Andes), the new city, the old city, Neruda, the ascensores.  And I still haven't even breached the surface of Chile.  Spanish is so much harder than I expected.  Fairly dangerous at night.  A sense of adventure.  Pretty happy.

I do have some photos ...  www.picasaweb.google.com/carmikle71223

I would like to be able to touch a bell
and call up my real self, the truly me,
because if I really need my proper self,
I must not allow myself to disappear.

- Pablo

Estoy en Chile!

Ayer y hoy fue fantástico y terrible.  Estuve enfermo ayer pero las personas aquí son muy simpáticas.  No come nada hasta la noche.  Ay ... mi español es muy mal.  

Yesterday we arrived in Santiago after a terrifying plain ride.  Sprinting through the Knoxville airport with no shoes on screaming at the terminal to wait for me and then the indescribable turbulence we experienced.  I finally made it ... Chile is breathtaking.  Mornings and nights are cold pero durante el día hace buen tiempo.  Anoche fui a un pub con los estudiantes y alla bebemos y cantamos karaoke. 

Hoy, we went hiking at this place dedicated to Darwin, because it was here where he got that disease that killed him.  The mountains were amazing.  Nothing like the US.  I didn't bring my camera because I am having this hard time reconciling just taking everything what it there for or taking pictures which can never captivate the experience.   But I do regret now not having pictures.  It was one of the most beautiful places I've seen.  Much more to come.  

Oh! Bailamos! Bailamos! Bailamos! Con los Chilenas y las dances Chilenas.  

Bien y mal,

Seth

Tengo una familia Chilena!

"Hola mi familia Chilena, 

(Lo siento, mi español no es muy bueno, pero estoy aprendiendo!)

¿Cómo están ustedes? Estoy bien. Espero que todo está bien con ellos. Estoy muy emocionado sobre el viaje y no puedo esperar para aprender la historia de Chile y las tradiciones de Chile, también no puedo esperar para conocer mi familia Chilena.

Me llamo Seth Hall y tengo 19 años. Mi cumpleaños es el 23 de septiembre de 1988. No sé qué más para decir … Me encanta escuchar la música. Me gusta los deportes.

Un abrazo,
Seth"

"Hola Seth!

Estamos muy felices de recibirte en nuestro hogar y esperamos que llegues pronto.
Tambien nos alegra que tengas ganas de conocer nuestra cultura y las actividades que usualmemte hacemos los chilenos pues sabemos que lo disfrutarás y será una muy buena experiencia para tí.

Cariños y saludos para tu Familia
Nos vemos pronto

Tu familia Chilena"